Today we have a great guest post from Alex Wise.
My son, as I write this, is four years old. I spent a good deal of this last year sick, and felt close to death more than once. I love my son, and want to teach him all the things that he needs to know before he leaves the house, and I want to do that myself, slowly as he grows, with examples and experiences provided by myself and his father. That may not happen. So, I have been writing it down in little lists. It may seem silly that I am trying to impart a lifetime of knowledge into one page of rather poorly written words. Too bad. I am. Since I am a writer, I also publish. If nothing else, it makes it more likely for my son to see the lists someday.
You might think that getting tips on dating from a Mommy is a little weird, but think about it. Your mom was once a girl, who did, probably, date. Most mom’s dated boys. Not all, but most. As a mom, I want the best for my son, in all things. Including girls. Also, I don’t want him to be a dick when it comes to dating, so here are the tips I would give him when he ‘comes of age’.
First: Girls, while odd creatures that defy understanding, are, indeed, human. They should be given the same respect that you give to all living things. They should neither be put on a pedestal as if they could do no wrong, nor looked at as if somehow beneath you, no matter who they are or who you think you are. They are just people, same as you.
Second: When you ask a girl out it will happen, on occasion, that you are turned down. Sometimes, you will be turned down in such a way that will crush your ego almost beyond redemption. Go ahead and ask anyway, even if you are afraid she will turn you down. There are plenty of fish in the sea. This is trite, but true. The truth is honey, that there are more women than men on this planet. With the many wars that seem to be continually fought, and the life expectancy of women increasing, there are many more. You have a shot, even if you think “she’s out of my league”. Truth is, no one is out of your league. You are a fantastic person who is strong in both body and personality. You are smart. Don’t under-value yourself even when rejected. Take it well, but don’t be rude even if that person was rude to you. Then move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Thrid: All women everywhere appreciate two things almost universally when choosing a mate other than looks.
One-Confidence. Woman are genetically/psychologically attracted to the guy who knows his own worth, isn’t afraid to take chances and is sure of himself. We don’t always admit it, but it is true none-the-less. Be confident.
Two-laughter. Woman love a man who can make them laugh. Again, trite, but true.
Fourth: A clean person is attractive to prospective partners. Look, brushing your teeth, having a bath, washing your hair, cleaning your nails…these are things that I make you do as I write this and you are four. You had better be doing them on your own by the time you are ready to date, or might as well skip reading this whole thing. No one, and I mean no one, is going to want to be around you if you are stinky. And if they do, you probably don’t want to be around them.
Fifth: Be aware of yourself. At four, you are three inches taller than the other kids in your class. You are going to be a big guy. While that thrills me in that we live in Kansas and I love to play basketball and I already have the hoop up on the garage, it worries me too. You will have to be aware of your size and your strength with your peers and with your dates. Be respectful, be gentle, be kind.
Sixth: Be responsible. As I say all the time, you are responsible for you. You are responsible for everything your body does and everything your mouth says and every thought in your head. All the consequences of your actions are yours to own, whether they be good or bad. If you choose to have sex with a girl, no matter what protections you think you are using, you are choosing to accept the possible consequences of pregnancy and STD’s. You are also taking on an emotional consequence with that girl, for good or bad. Sex is not casual. Don’t treat it as such. If the choices you make result in a child, you are responsible for that child. Forever. Be responsible and make good choices.
Seventh: Keep things in perspective. You are probably not going to meet the love of your life on the first date, though it might feel like you have. Girls and dating, while important to a young man, are not all the world has to offer. School, friends, work, art, music, family (not in any particular order) are all important and should be kept in perspective with dating, even while its new.